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Cake day: June 26th, 2023

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  • Kind of I guess. At first your comment made me mad, then I spent a minute thinking about it and that’s pretty much where he stood haha.

    When I say he was dumb, my good lord I couldn’t come close to giving an example that would do him justice.

    He was an abused kid though, and being tough meant a lot to him because that’s how he survived.

    A story for fun.

    My mom was very religious. Her greatest dream was to have him see the world the way that she did, and she tried, and she tried. She finally got him to go to church with her. He stopped drinking, he stopped using drugs. We were leaving church one night and going to his parents . Some of his old buddies stopped him in the road, they walked up and the one guy said, “hey Henry, what the fuck is going on, buddy?”

    He said, “I’m trying to do right and raise my kids right. I would appreciate it if you didn’t cuss in front of my wife and kids.“

    Dude, thought he was joking. He said, “oh bullshit, Henry going to fucking church.”

    My stepdad said, “I’m going to give you one more chance before I make you regret cussing in front of my wife and kids.”

    Dude said, “I don’t fucking believe this, Henry the Christian.”

    My dad got out of the car and knocked every one of his front teeth out. People were fucking terrified of him. The lady across the street called the cops. The cop showed up, “Henry, we hear there’s some fighting going on down here.” My dad said, “ain’t nobody fighting here, so you can just go on up the road.”

    The cop replied, “well then what happened to him?”

    My dad said, “He fell.”

    The dude looked at the police officer and said, “he’s right, I fell off the bridge.”

    The cops pulled out and left while this dude stood here, holding his teeth and crying like a toddler.

    Now in my dad’s mind, (step dad, but raised me), He was teaching us this big lesson in that moment.

    Poor guy was so stupid that he didn’t realize that violence was not a lesson you teach children. I was terrified, but my brother thought he was the coolest motherfucker who ever lived in that moment. Needless to say, we took drastically different routes for a very long time in our lives.


  • Well, I’m 40. At that time we all thought there was something to be ashamed of. As much as it pains me to know I ever felt that way, I lived in constant humiliation like I wasn’t a real man or something.

    My step dad (who I love and have a thousand reasons to defend when you look over the course of my life. He seems evil without context) also put me through it. “Daddy’s little girl” “little fag like his father”. Good lord, i type that out and he seems irredeemable, but he did redeem himself, honestly. Somehow he did. It turns out he went through the same thing, was the dumbest man I ever knew, and just wanted me to be as manly as I could be because that’s what it takes to keep from getting your head stomped in the world we come from. Believe it or not, it came from a place of love which somehow makes the trauma worse.

    I don’t know. Life is long, and it’s tremendous. I heard that in a song years ago and it stuck out to me. I mean, we know it’s short, but some things make some times so so so long.

    Is what it is. I have a drop dead gorgeous 10 out of 10 wife that any straight man would envy me for. I have kids who love me. This world is a beautiful place once you make your way, despite all of the ugly chaos.

    My step dad loved me or he wouldn’t have walked to a crappy job every day just to buy my Christmas presents. He was just misguided and abused himself, and he wasn’t smart enough to see that. The way it was, that was just the way it was for him and he wasn’t smart enough to look at it any other way.








  • Holy shit, this.

    I’m constantly worried that what I’m seeing/hearing is fake. It’s going to get harder and harder to find older information on the internet too.

    Shit, it’s crept outside of the internet actually. Family buys my kids books for Christmas and birthdays and I’m checking to make sure they aren’t AI garbage before I ever let them look at it because someone bought them an AI book already without realizing it.

    I don’t really understand what we hope to get from all of this. I mean, not really. Maybe if it gets to a point where it can truly be trusted, I just don’t see how.



  • I used to dream, just like you. I sat and watched Star Trek over and over again and I really, really, really believed in humanity.

    Then it hit me. We were born from chaos. We happen to have some great and intelligent members. We’ve been lucky to have some of them and we’ve paid dearly for having others.

    We were born from chaos though. It shaped everything we are.

    We followed grifters into deserts to learn about their fake gods and gave those grifters our bodies and our resources and we continue to do just that, all around the world. People are still fighting and dying for grifters who have been dead for thousands of years, and the new ones use their names for their work.

    That is what we are. We pride ourselves on history that has nothing to do with us. We are either animals who want to survive all for ourselves or animals who want our group to survive. We want the other groups to join us, sure. Some of us even feel sorry for them when they don’t. Some of us don’t and we load them into camps for mass extermination.

    To me, it’s all just that chaos we were born from. Just trying, trying, and trying to survive.

    Rebels crop up because the system might not be working. That’s why fed people don’t complain. Take nourishment away for just a little while and activate the rebel. Epigenetic changes and all that.

    I’m the wrong person to talk to. I’m in a deep depression and I’m drunk haha.

    Who knows? Maybe we’ll take control of the chaos one day and we’ll be amazing. I hope so.

    I’m so sorry for typing this out. If it helps, I’m a total idiot and I’m dully conscious of it.







  • On the day that Puuuutiiin died. We sang bye bye goofy kgb guy. Hope you fell out of that window thinking of me and mine. Them good old boys on the Ukrainian side, well they’re just gonna laugh and cheer as you die.

    I hate myself. My brain does this to me all day, in every situation.

    A song to feed the pets

    A song to feed the brats

    A song to see the teller

    Or say hi to some feller

    I sing when I’m not singing

    And I’m singing if I’m thinking

    If I’m thinking then I’m singing

    And I’m singing while I’m sinking

    It’s gotta be mental illness right? Nervous breakdown?

    I’ll let you decide. I’m sorry you had to see this.