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Cake day: January 5th, 2026

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  • It won’t come to a military conflict. Trump will place massive tariffs on the EU1, possibly sanction EU’s business oligarchs and freeze their assets in the US, and Denmark will quickly cave and hand Greenland over as America’s cherished new 51st state. Maybe the US pays a token sum for Greenland, like 10 or 20 billion, so that the EU can save face and try to return back to business as normal. But Greenland is basically sealed. Maybe if your leaders weren’t cowards it would be different, but you play with the cards you’ve been dealt.

    1: A violation of Von der Lyen’s earlier agreement on tariffs, but who even cares