This has happened enough times that the euphemism for piracy in my household has become “renting a film from my man in Bangladesh”

Are you kidding? I would absolutely hire this guy to be my gardener.

(I have recently planted a large crop of Dendrocnide moroides)

Well the cynic in me says “to undermine the public trust in the safety of air travel so people become more isolated, unwilling to organize, and dependent on either corporate-controlled media or gasoline-powered cars to maintain contact with any part of the world outside a 20-mile radius,” and the nutjob conspiracy theorist in me sure thinks he could make a convincing corkboard out of it if you gave him enough thumb tacks and red string, but once again I could be making the mistake of assuming they’re going into this with a plan and not just flailing wildly to make it look like they’re addressing a problem they have no idea how to solve.

This better be the fucking street fight from Anchorman with a hand grenade and a circular saw and a dude with a claymore.

Shiiiiiit. I was looking out my window around quarter to nine and saw a weird bright orange spot off towards DC. Didn’t think anything of it in the moment; I’m right under a flight path, not too far from a military airfield, all sorts of weird lights flying over all the time. But looking at that footage that’s exactly what it looked like. Christ.

Less obligatory but still timely

I understand there is a species of blind fish living in a cave nearly a mile beneath the Yucatán peninsula that scientists believe might not be racist, but research is still ongoing.

Both are still showing up full price for me, if that helps.

…Think it’s too late to get a refund?

…Let them fight, I guess?

“Alright, that’s it! It’s super-duper double-dog war times infinity, no backsies!”

Might’ve even scuffed up the rocks, jerk.

I was under the impression it got a big hero moment in one of the new Jurassic World movies fighting some even scarier double-dog-T-rex but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna take the time outta my day to watch the movies and find out.

You mean the one that staged an escape during a widespread power grid failure, leaving countless innocents to die while it disappeared to lavish in its tropical island paradise? Only to return, inexplicably, in the sequel, pretending all of a sudden to be the hero?

Nah, that doesn’t sound like him at all!

Yeah but those don’t usually go unsolved for 150 years and it seems very unlikely that any of the British historians involved in this project would be able to make enough meaningful changes to the American sociopolitical landscape to offer any help on that subject.

Ted Cruz can be more than one thing. Don’t pigeonhole Ted Cruz.

Hell I have yet to see him have worth.