I understand there is a species of blind fish living in a cave nearly a mile beneath the Yucatán peninsula that scientists believe might not be racist, but research is still ongoing.

Both are still showing up full price for me, if that helps.

…Think it’s too late to get a refund?

…Let them fight, I guess?

“Alright, that’s it! It’s super-duper double-dog war times infinity, no backsies!”

Might’ve even scuffed up the rocks, jerk.

I was under the impression it got a big hero moment in one of the new Jurassic World movies fighting some even scarier double-dog-T-rex but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna take the time outta my day to watch the movies and find out.

You mean the one that staged an escape during a widespread power grid failure, leaving countless innocents to die while it disappeared to lavish in its tropical island paradise? Only to return, inexplicably, in the sequel, pretending all of a sudden to be the hero?

Nah, that doesn’t sound like him at all!

Yeah but those don’t usually go unsolved for 150 years and it seems very unlikely that any of the British historians involved in this project would be able to make enough meaningful changes to the American sociopolitical landscape to offer any help on that subject.

Ted Cruz can be more than one thing. Don’t pigeonhole Ted Cruz.

Hell I have yet to see him have worth.